Another Valentineís Day has come and gone. Once again I gave my copy of This Yearís Model a good workout. Well, things are getting better. At least Iíve learned to totally ignore Sweetest Day. And you wouldnít believe all the cards I got on Just Friends Day!

Has anybody here seen Screaming Jay Hawkins? Can you tell me where heís gone? He put a spell upon us when sang a song. But I just looked around and heís gone.

Have you seen the new Revlon commercials? Yes, the best way to sell lots of cosmetics is to paint up beautiful celebrity babes beyond recognition. The new slogan should be "Feel like a woman, look like a whore."

Sit tight folks. Here come more wacky TV bios of rock stars. First up, Little Richard. Followed by another stab at the Beach Boys legend. (Personally Iím holding out for the animated Disney version in which Murry is a big mean porcupine.) I think, however, theyíre waiting until sweeps month ends before they run Mama Cass, Without Tears.

A&E ran a biography on Bob Crane, the star of Hoganís Heroes, whose mysterious and brutal murder still goes unsolved. Hmm...did anyone question General Burkhalter?

Film critic Rex Reed was arrested for allegedly shoplifting three compact discs from a Tower Records store in New York. Iím not so sure heís a cheap bastard or kleptomaniac. I just think he likes the strip searches.

You canít go home again. The recent Mary & Rhoda TV reunion movie proved that one more time. Am I the only one who thinks it would have been vastly improved by the inclusion of blood thirsty man-eating bats?

Howís come I get the feeling that if the world were destroyed by a nuclear holocaust, the only survivors would be cockroaches and Boy Meets World?

Has anybody here seen my old friend Ernest? Can you tell me where heís gone? His work was making laughter, but now his job is done. I just looked around and he's gone.

My favorite cartoon show of all time is now available on DVD with the release of Beany and Cecil - The Special Edition. Imagine, a program for kids with hip references to Lenny Bruce and Mort Sahl. Or was it for kids? Albert Einstein, Groucho Marx and Frank Zappa were all fans. And some of the voices were done by Stan Freberg. "So come on kids letís flip our lids higher than the moon. And now hereís Beany and Cecil in a Bob Clampett cartooooon!!"

Celine Dion wil be taking a couple years off from singing to devote more time to her family. And I will be dusting off my tap shoes and performing one big long Happy Dance.

If grappler turned governor Jessie Ventura really is leaving the Reform Party, he could have chosen a more appropriate way to do so. Like sneaking up behind Ross Perot and Pat Buchanan and whacking them with a folding chair.

Iím not saying that Vince McMahonís announcement of the XFL has the NFL running scared. I just find it interesting that next seasonís initial telecast of Monday Night Football will be a cage match between the Oakland Raiders and Kansas City Chiefs.

Has anybody here seen Coach Tom Landry? Can you tell me where heís gone? He changed the game of football with the "flex" and shot gun. But I just looked around and heís gone.

Pendulum by Creedence Clearwater Revival has to be one of the most underrated albums ever recorded by a band whose albums arenít usually underrated. It was also one of the few albums I owned exclusively on eight track when it was first released in 1970.

Yes, the old eight track tape player. Remember listening to a song from one program while a song from another program could be heard in the background? The solution? Just turn up the volume! And who could ever forget the joy of the tape stopping right in the middle of a really good jam when it jumped from one track to the next. I always wondered why they just didnít make cassette players for cars, but as my buddies carefully explained to me, "They canít do that, man, cuz the tapes are different."

People seem to be pretty jazzed that Steely Dan, the duo that invented FM Radio as we used to know it, is coming out with itís first studio album in nearly 20 years. Thatís all right, I guess. I just hope it doesnít give Seals & Crofts any ideas. (Especially if theyíre still alive.)

Just out: The Who - BBC Sessions. Ignore that occasional reunion performance behind the curtain! This is the real thing. Play loud.

And while weíre on the subject of twosomes getting back together: I knew the Judds reunion was gonna be big, but no way did I expect commercials for K-Mart!!

Thatís it. No more pepperoni sandwiches before bedtime. Last night I had that strange dream where The Bangles are giving me a collective back rub when suddenly they turn into the cast from The Facts of Life. And I, in an apparent act of retaliation, turn into Billy DeWolfe.

Has anybody here seen my old friend Charles? And all the Peanuts he has drawn? I thought I saw him getting into Doug Henningís magic cabinet, with Screaminí Jay, Ernest and Tom.

Fuck and Run- Volume 6 is right here in case you missed it...