Dannyís Movie Guide X

BLOW DRY

This is a British comedy about a hairdressing championship being held in a small town. But donít get excited. Itís more Full Monty than Monty Python, so you might wanna blow this one off in favor of a Flying Circus marathon.

COMPANY MAN

Probably the most interesting thing about this movie is the fact Woody Allen appears in it uncredited. Is the movie that bad? Or is Allen just being modest, not wanting people to flock to see this film just because he trades quips with the likes of Dennis Leary? Why did the Wood-man take the part in the first place? Probably because Company Man was written by and stars Douglas McGrath, who also served as a screenwriter on Allenís Bullets Over Broadway. Or maybe he wanted a chance to work with Sigourney Weaver before she goes off to kick some more alien butt. The plot has something to do with a crazy scheme to assassinate Fidel Castro in the 60ís and all the nutty things that go wrong in the process. Hmm, Woody Allen in a movie about a bunch of nitwits trying to overthrow the dictator of a small republic. Watch Bananas instead.

DOWN TO EARTH

Think Heaven Can Wait, but with Chris Rock instead of Warren Beatty. You know, a guy dies before heís supposed to and so heís given a loaner body to inhabit until the whole thing can be sorted out. Of course, hip wisecrackiní black dude Rock is shoved into the body of an old rich white guy and thatís when the hilarity runs amok. Eugene Levy costars as the angel responsible for the screw up and heís sure to provide a few laughs. Still, Iíd rather see Rock and Levy paired up as Little Penny and Bobby Bittman in a "road picture" instead of this Hollywood rehash. Now thatís a scenario that might even get my lazy ass into a movie theater.

EXIT WOUNDS

This is a Steven Seagal movie That means Steven Seagal is in it. In fact, heís the star of the movie. That means heís in it a lot. Do I really need to elaborate?

15 MINUTES

Robert DeNiro is a hot shot homicide detective who must solve a brutal double murder while Edward "Kookie" Burns tags along. Also looking over DeNiroís shoulder is the media, led by a tabloid TV host played by (I Donít Want To Go To) Kelsey Grammer. Itís not gonna be an easy case to crack. Not only are the killers really nasty guys, but theyíve got a camcorder and they know how to use it. My moneyís on DeNiro, even though he has to work under the glare of the media spotlight. Or is that just the sun reflecting over Grammerís forehead?

GET OVER IT

A guy gets dumped by his girlfriend and will do anything to get her back. Blah-blah-blah. Yadda-yadda-yadda. Guy falls in love with another girl who was trying to be a friend and help him out. Martin Short and Ed Begley, Jr., pop up in humiliating cameo roles and Sisqo provides comic relief. Also featuring Tom Hanksí son as the guyís buddy and Carmen Electra as a woman with big breasts.

HEARTBREAKERS

Sigourney Weaver and Jennifer Love-Hewitt star as a mother and daughter con team who use marriage and seduction to swindle money from unsuspecting rich men. Hey, if you gotta get cheated out of your dough, itís a lot better than buying some swamp land in Florida, right? Yeah, this sounds like it could be a comic babe fest with endless possibilities, but itís also got Nora Dunn in it as a pain-in-the-ass housekeeper. Proceed with caution.

THE MEXICAN

In real life Brad Pitt is married to Jennifer Aniston and in this movie he gets to do love scenes with Julia Roberts. That ainít a bad deal. However, things arenít quite so hunky dory for Mr. Pittís character in The Mexican. He has to make a choice between retrieving a valuable rare pistol for the mob or keeping his girlfriend happy by turning down the offer he canít refuse. Well, maybe the choice isnít all that difficult. After all, itís kinda hard to "get some" from your pretty woman if youíre dead.

MONKEYBONE

If the thought of Brendan Fraser starring in yet another off beat comedy isnít enough to keep you away from the movie multiplexes, how about tossing in Chirs Kattan of Saturday Night Live for good measure. Thereís a guy Iíd pay money not to see. Forget about shelling out eight bucks and having to put up with his shenanigans for ninety commercial free minutes. And whatís the deal with Fraser anyway? Does he work cheap? Know how to party? Have compromising photos of every film producer in Hollywood? I donít get it. And Iím not sure I get the plot to this movie either. Fraser plays a cartoonist who slips into a coma and then becomes trapped in a wacky special effects version of a cartoon nightmare. But how can it be a cartoon nightmare when it doesnít even have Jabberjaw in it?

SAVING SILVERMAN

Jason Biggs reprises his role as Americaís number one doofus in this comedy about a guy who gets caught between the controlling bitch he wants to marry and the obnoxious buddies who wanna prevent that from happening. Neil Diamond makes his first on screen appearance in over twenty years. But since his previous acting gig was in the god awful remake of The Jazz Singer, itís no surprise he waited so long.

SEE SPOT RUN

Bad movies about misbehaving dogs is not a new concept in film making. Turner & Hootch, K-9 and The Ugly Dachshund are just some of the mutt movies that came and went without posing much of a threat at OscarÆ time. So what makes See Spot Run even more forgettable than these previous "worst of show" dogs? Two words: David Arquette.

SOMEONE LIKE YOU

Ashley Judd stars as a producer of a talk show who has been serving under the executive producer (Greg Kinnear) in more ways than one. Unfortunately, thereís a ratings decrease in the love segment of the coupleís relationship and it gets abruptly canceled. Judd then does what any other jilted woman would do and starts trying to figure out how to make a relationship work by observing the members of the animal kingdom (sans Marlin Perkins). She soon becomes a regular Dr. Ruth Doolittle and writes a popular column about her revelations in male-female relations, proving once again the theory that all men are either dogs, pigs or sheep.

SWEET NOVEMBER

Keanu Reeves in a bittersweet romantic comedy. I can say no more.

3,000 MILES TO GRACELAND

Oceanís 11 meets Viva Las Vegas in an caper film that ainít about to make you forget the Rat Pack or Lucky Jackson. (Not to mention Ann-Margret in skin tight peddle pushers.) Kurt Russell and Kevin Costner dress up like Elvis impersonators to pull off a big heist, but some dirty double crossing and a lousy script could leave them all shook up when they finish taking care of business. Sounds like yet another bad movie for Costner, whose audience pretty much left the building after he bossa nova babied with wolves and won an OscarÆ.