I can remember a time when the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremonies were mystical, almost sacred affairs where the R&R elite gathered to pay tribute to their peers and cap off the evening with a legendary all star jam, usually led by Bruce Springsteen. Today the mystique has evaporated as the annual shindig is now taped and edited for broadcast on VH-1 and the guest list has been diluted with presenters like Kid Rock and *NSYNC to broaden the programís appeal. In other words, an event that was once staged to revive the spirit of rock and roll has now become just another misguided TV special. And itís only a matter a time before Britney Spears or someone like her is inducted in the viewerís choice category.

This yearís festivities kicked off with Jann Wenner briefly taking the stage to remind everyone that he used to be the publisher of a real rock and roll magazine before he opted for wealth and respectability. That transplendid moment segued into a performance of "We Will Rock You" by half of Queen. Afterwards, Brian May and Roger Taylor politely said their "thank youís," introduced Freddie Mercuryís mum and then jammed with Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters on, appropriately enough, "Tie Your Mother Down," Yes, Freddie was such a good boy.

Next Moby trotted out and did the honors for Steely Dan, whose induction was accepted by a couple of escaped puppets from Genesisí "Land of Confusion" video. After their go at being gracious, the puppets took to the stage to perform one of Mr. Danís more famous toe-tappers and when I woke up, some scary old witch was squirming at the podium and delivering an incoherent ramble about the importance of rock and roll sidemen.

After blinking several times to bring my vision back into focus, I realized the witch was really Keith Richards, who was merely providing his family with another five minutes of footage to use in case they get the urge to have him committed and take control of the millions he earned as a member of The Rolling Stones. Keef looked splendid (read: almost alive) in his rendition of "dressing up" and extra kudos must be given to his private hair stylist, Captain Lou Albano. Rock and rollís favorite drunk uncle then introduced the two most deserving inductees of the evening, James Burton and Johnnie Johnson.

James Burton is a legendary guitarist who has played lead on a long list of hit records and has been the main picker in bands that have backed up the likes of Rick Nelson, Elvis Presley, Gram Parsons and Elvis Costello. A true professional, the Telecaster master accepted his induction with honor, grace and dignity. Johnnie Johnson was Chuck Berryís piano player and his musical contributions to Berryís recordings on Chess have earned him a quiet reputation as "The Founding Father of Rock and Roll." An unsung hero indeed, Johnson provided what may have been the eveningís most heartfelt moment when he accepted his induction and thanked Keith Richards for coming to his rescue when he was barely making a living as a bus driver. Yeah, just one of many reasons why Keef is that favorite drunk uncle.

Next, in a moment that was immediately shipped off to Rock & Roll Hell for enshrinement, Ricky Martin, whose sexual preference is his own business, shook he bon-bon to a medley of hits by the late Ritchie Valens, an artist who barely had enough hits to comprise a medley. Geeze, Ricky Freakiní Martin being associated with the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Why? Because heís Latin and his career is hot. Forget about Los Lobos, who performed the music for the film based on Valenís life, and who are way more influenced by his music. Those chubby Chicanos canít pull in the big Nielsen numbers, so why bother?

And what would Ritchie Valens himself have said if he had been there to accept the plaudits heaped upon him by Mr. Rump Shaker? Perhaps nothing. After all, if he were still alive to be present at his induction into the Hall of Fame, thereís a strong possibility he wouldnít have been inducted. (Yes, thatís some catch, that Catch-22!) Pardon me for being a cynical old bastard, but a couple of moderate hit singles and barely enough recorded material to fill two albums is not quite enough to put Valens up on a pedestal with Elvis Presley, Jerry Lee Lewis and Little Richard. Hereís a rocker whoís been handed his immortality based on potential and tragedy. And if Buddy Holly hadnít been on that plane when it crashed, do you really think they wouldíve made a movie about Valensí life or given him legend status? Yes, it is sad that he died so young and all, but I still donít understand what the fuss is all about. And maybe the Hall of Fame doesnít either, since it took several years of eligibility before he made it.

Okay, so you say you want more proof that the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has sold out? How about having the *NSYNC boys induct Michael Jackson as a solo artist. Yes, Jacko was already in as a member of his singing sibling band, The Jackosn 5ive, but this time around they gave him his props for moon walking his way through an extraordinary solo career. Paul Simon was also given solo entrance into the hall to go along with his Hall of Fame status as one half of Simon and Garfunkel. Showing the toll age takes on the mind, Simon opted to read his acceptance speech from a sheet of paper, apparently no longer able to insult Art Garfunkel from memory.

Anyway, Jackson couldnít perform due to a broken foot, but Simon, looking very much like Tooter Turtle,  led his band in an unconvincing rendition of "Graceland." Not an embarrassment by any means, but I think the performance sorely missed the exuberant contribution of the infamous Richard Tee. But what the heck, Paul Simon is still Paul Simon and I can always play the Graceland CD anytime I want to remind myself what a landmark recording it is. (But his first solo album is still my favorite.)

Back to reality: Kid Rock got to come up on stage, act like a total asshole and introduce Aerosmith as new Hall of Fame members. Four of the five Boston bad boys presented themselves quite nicely as they handed out their sincere appreciation and then Steve Tyler took the mike and launched into an noodle-headed rhyming acceptance speech, which I think he co-wrote with Nipsey Russell. The band then performed "Sweet Emotion" with an assist from Mr. Rock, who screamed along with Mr. Tyler and then did some of the worst turntable scratching in the history of the art form.

And while weíre on the subject of Aerosmith... isnít it kind of amusing how these guys all of a sudden became acceptable after they remade "Walk This Way" with Run-D.M.C.? I mean, for years they were lambasted for being Rolling Stones wannabes and Tyler and Perry were considered a pale rip-off of the Jagger-Richards combo. Then, thanks to drugs, alcohol and stupidity, the band disintegrated into almost nothing and the snooty critics were more than happy to dance on their graves. But with one record, and their association with a rap group that even the white critics respected, Aerosmith rose like a Phoenix from the ashes and now theyíre considered to be one of the greatest American rock and roll bands ever. Of course, when they played the half-time gig at the Super Bowl they were accused of selling out, but didnít they do that a long time ago when they became whores for MTV?

Rounding out this yearís inductees were Solomon Burke, "The King of Rock & Soul" who recorded with Atlantic records in the 60ís and accepted his induction dressed as his favorite film character, James Earl Jones in Eddie Murphyís Coming To America; The Flamingos, the smooth R&B vocal group whose most famous hit was the much covered "I Only Have Eyes For You"; and Chris Blackwell, the founder of Island Records and the man responsible for bringing Bob Marley, U2 and Steve Winwood to the masses.

The evening concluded with the ever popular all-star jam session, although this one seemed to lack the overall pizzazz of previous efforts. Melissa Etheridge and Bono paid tribute to Chris Blackwell with a Bob Marley medley. Then Aerosmith jammed with themselves on a small bit of their current single "Jaded" and rocked out on "Train Kept A Rolliní." Paul Simon offered up "Me and Julio Down By The Schoolyard" with Marc Anthony, Dion and Jann Warner (?!) on background vocals. Sadly, an enjoyable instrumental boogie featuring Johnnie Johnson and James Burton was cut short by an idiotic VH-1 editing choice and a potentially show stopping all-star performance of "Everybody Needs Somebody" led by Solomon Burke was ruined by the duet caterwauling of Kid Rock.