People who need to be singled out for their idiotic behavior overall or for a recent single act of stupidity. In general, someone who just pisses me off.

1. MIKE LOVE - Whatís the difference between Mike Love and a big pile of dog poop? The big pile of dog poop never sued Brain Wilson. And the big pile of dog poop didnít accept an award by taunting the "mop tops" for not playing as many live dates as the Beach Boys. Well, Mike, if you had the ability to still make viable new music maybe you and whatís left of the Boys wouldnít have to be on the road so often and play choice gigs like the Super Bowl Pre-Game Show. (Sandwiched in between an interview with the first man to catch a pass in a Super Bowl and those delightful Frisbee catching dogs!) It was a good thing Brian had you around to whine your motherfuckiní ass off when he was creating Pet Sounds, one of the greatest albums ever made, or trying to make Smile, one of the greatest albums never finished. But thanks for showing up years later to take credit for your contribution to the proceedings. What, was Brian always more creative when there was a total asshole in the room? A devotee of transidental meditation, Mike Loveís mantra should be, "Iamluckytobebrianwilsonscousin."

First of all, for filling the airwaves with ninety minutes of unfunny puke every Saturday night. Secondly, for giving jobs to a group of unfunny performers who have created some of the most annoying characters in the history of television. Thirdly, for taking those annoying characters and putting them in some of the god awfulest movies ever made. Fourthly, for turning into the kind of scab sucking uncreative pompous low life producer he took pride in not being when he first started the show. And finally, for allowing #3 to make this list.

Those pathetic cheerleader sketches are enough to earn Will Ferrell a place on this list. I mean, theyíre just painful to watch! But now heís topped that by using the opening monologue as a cheap excuse to feel up Heather Graham. Thereís no reason on earth why a no talent piece of crap like Ferrell should have his unfunny hands on those amazing breasts, unless of course itís part of the zany fun on Saturday Night Live! Hmm, I wonder who wrote that part of the show?

Just when I think my urge to heave jarts at this dildo has subsided, he pops up to remind me that he is pure evil and should be in constant physical pain. Yeah, it has to do with the Monkees. What else? In an interview for a recent documentary of the band, Donnie took credit for their success and blamed their downfall on him being fired as musical supervisor. Hey, hey, the Monkees made some pretty fine records after Kirshner was booted and they fell apart because a) the novelty wore off, and b) they didnít have the cohesiveness as a unit or the support of those around them to move on.

Itís just not right. It defeats the whole purpose. Older people who just donít realize they are doing it are excused. People who do it on purpose because they think theyíre fucking special and those that are just plain stupid, need to be punished. Hopefully there is a special place in hell reserved for them and those of us who follow the rules will be allowed the opportunity to laugh at them.

This man is a walking, talking turd. Yeah, he was amusing at first on Saturday Night Live. But then he leaves the show after only one season to pursue a career as a Hollywood movie star. Hey, maybe he should get some credit for making the show better by leaving. After all, his departure paved the way for Bill Murray to join the cast. Anyway, he quits and then goes on to make some of the worst movies ever! Who can forget Oh Heavenly Dog? I wish I could. Modern Problems would have been the first movie I ever walked out on, but I never walked out on a movie before and I was uncertain of the procedure. And then thereís Under the Rainbow. The only redeeming thing about this movie is Carrie Fischer got her dress cut off her by a midget with a sword. Fast forward to the Chevy Chase talk show. Just plain creepy. Watching two people peel the skin off each other would have been more entertaining. Yet afterwards, dear old Chevy blamed the showís failure on the theater. He, you see, felt more comfortable working in television studio. Recently, on SNLís anniversary he took a clever swipe at Norm MacDonald, someone whoís actually funny. Unfortunately, Norm seems like too nice of guy to have just retorted by calling Chevy a dumb ass.

For choosing to be a pop singer instead of a hooker.

Not that I have anything against Latin's or I donít like a good explosion, but put the two together and you wind up with really crappy pop songs. Just when I finally evicted the Viva la Loca from living in my brain, this Mambo #5 creature comes along. "A little bit of nausea..." Thank god I missed Mambo numbers one through four. Do yourself a favor, forget this fad and pick up a Tito Puente album.

Or more specifically the rapists, looters and arsonists who made this yearís event three days of violation, violence and stupidity. Oh right, the hot dogs cost too much, so Iím entitled. Further proof of what a moronic and sad society we live in today. Free love meant something way different at the original Woodstock. I wonder if the sound of women screaming for help is going to be included on the Woodstock 99 album.

Thanks for reminding us about the real reason to attend a game at the friendly confines of Wrigley Field: to get really drunk and watch somebody hit a shitload of home runs in a losing cause. You canít beat fun at the old ball park.