Dave Kingman (Left Field) He hit a lot of home runs, made a lot of bad plays in the outfield and he was a total goofball. Sounds like a Mr. Cub to me.

Fergie Jenkins (Starting Pitcher) - This Hall of Famer struck out batters and won games. Quite an usual strategy for a Cubs pitcher. And unlike these candy ass pitchers today, Fergie took the mound every fourth day with the intention of pitching the whole nine innings. He could also hit and field, something that set him apart from most of the center fielders who played for the Cubs during his tenure. (Oh yeah, and his name is Fergie, which is pretty cool, too.)

Andre Dawson (Right Field) - Nothing but a class act, this guy. He wanted to play day games at Wrigley Field so bad that he gave General Manager Dallas Green a blank contract to fill out. Green bit and Dawson became the most underpaid superstar in modern day sports history. He also went on to win an MVP award with a last place team. Yes, nice guys do finish last. Especially when they're wearing a Cubs uniform.

Bruce Sutter (Relief Pitcher) - Good lord, it was a sight watching batters whiff at Sutter's trick pitch, the split-finger fastball. It was almost like that movie where Ray Milland invents a wood repellent formula that made the ball jump away from the bat, but in Bruce's case it wasn't cheating. In a total reversal of the usual Cub fortunes, Sutter got hurt and was never able to produce after he left the team. Sorry about that, Ted Turner.

Barry Foote (Catcher) - Forget about Randy Hundley and Jody Davis. Barry's whining in the clubhouse is legendary and who can forget those towering pop-ups! (Like the famous "called shot," where Barry stepped out of the batter's box, pointed to a spot in the sky high above third base and then proceeded to hit the ball in that very spot!) Yes, this lard ass was very much at home behind home plate at Wrigley Field. In fact, he was very much at home behind any plate anywhere.

Rick Monday (Center Field) - During a game, some crazy bastards ran out onto the field and tried to burn an American flag. Rick Monday dashed over, snatched up the flag and carried it to safety. This heroic act combined with the fact that I can't think of another Cub center fielder off the top of my head earns Monday a spot on this team.

Ryne Sandberg (Second Base) - Maybe he was a bit overrated by diehard Cub fans, but he was pretty damned good. He'd have to be to replace Manny Trillo in our hearts. (Although it helped having Pat Tabler as a buffer.)

Ron Santo or Carmen Fanzone (Third Base) - Tough choice. Santo has the impressive stats and may have been the best fielder ever at his position in the National League. But Fanzone is a better representative of what being a Cub third basemen is all about. He was a career minor leaguer, who probably couldn't have played in the majors for anyone else, and he could hit home runs at Wrigley Field. As an added bonus, he could play the national anthem before games on his trumpet. Negatives? Santo's bad toupee and Fanzone's stint in the Baja Marimba Band. Maybe I should just hold this spot open for the next in a long line of sure things the Cubs have maturing in their infamous farm system.

Don Kessinger (Shortstop) - What are my other choices? Ernie Banks? I only remember him as a first baseman in the twilight of his career. And those silly rhyming predictions were an embarrassment. ("The Cubs will go 'Weee' in '73!") Shawanonun Dunston? Since when is giving the first basemen plenty of exercise fielding errant throws the mark of a good shortstop? Larry Bowa? Okay, I was going for the cheap laugh on that one. Sorry. So Kessinger is my pick. A solid, reliable guy that never did anything to disgrace the name of the Chicago Cubs. Wait, maybe he doesn't belong after all. (And maybe I should've picked Ivan DeJesus. After all, he contributed a lot to the Cubs success in the 80's by getting himself traded to the Phillies for Ryne Sandberg.)

Paul Popovich (Utility Infielder) - Wow, a guy who could play every position in the infield but none of them well enough to be a starter. It's surprising he got as much playing time as he did, considering manager Leo Durocher liked to play his starters till they dropped. A plus (or should I say minus?) for Popovich: He belongs to that dubious roster of players who actually got away from the Cubs but then came back. (By the way, Popovich was a Cub before Harry Caray became the team's announcer, so for the record, his name backwards is Hcivopop.)

Jose Cardenal (Comic Reliever) - It's not that this cute little guy was a lousy ballplayer. In fact, if you check out his career stats, you'll see some rather unembarrassing numbers. But somehow, Jose's popularity with the bleacher bums and other inhabitants of the Friendly Confines was way out of proportion with his actually productivity on the field. Most of that can be attributed to his personality. Always smiling, always laughing and always using his antics to help erase the bitter sting of another heartbreaking Cub loss. (Honorable mention at this position: Lenny Randle.)

Joey Almalfitano (Third Base Coach) - It wasn't an easy job knowing when to send a slow Cub base runner home from second when a batter singled up the middle. Hell, it wasn't easy when the base runner was on third.

Adrian Zmed (First Base Coach) - Okay, he's an actor. So what?  The first base coach doesn't really do much anyway. Besides, he always found time to visit Harry & Steve in the booth whenever he was in town for his latest dinner theater appearance.

Herman Franks (Manager) - A crusty old guy in the dugout who looked bad in a major league uniform and knew how to spit. What more could you ask for?

Harry Caray & Bill Murray (Broadcast Team) - Murray only did one game behind the mike and that was to replace Harry while he was recovering from his heart attack. Together these two would be a laugh riot. And who knows, they might even get around to calling some of the game. Fellow WGN broadcast legend Jack Brickhouse would also be on hand, but only to inject the phrase, "had a notion to bunt" every once in awhile.

Yosh Kawano (General Manager) - All those years of picking up dirty jockstraps in the locker room more than qualifies him to select the kind of players needed to fill a proper Chicago Cubs roster. And being a true blue Wrigley Field lifer, he wouldn't dare pull a Dallas Green and try to build a new tradition of winning.