Ring Out The Old, Ring In the New

Here are the last random thoughts of 2004 and the first ones of 2005. Best served at room temperature with the cold beverage of your choice. Enjoy.

Yet another unnecessary version of Charles Dickensí "A Christmas Carol" was foisted on American TV viewers as it was decided Kelsey Grammer needed to put his own personal stamp on the role of Ebenezer Scrooge this holiday season. Ah, so many others have tried and so many others have failed. When will they learn that the definitive Scrooge will always be Mr. Magoo and all the others are just wasting our time.

Donald Rumsfeld will stay on as Secretary of Defense for GWBís second term, thus ending speculation that he would leave to portray Boris Karloff in a one man show on Broadway.

Did you hear about the guy who auctioned off water from a cup that Elvis Presley drank from and got $455 for it? However, he kept the Styrofoam cup and is now auctioning off the right to look at it. Am I the only one thinking about the possibility of a word tour? The cup Elvis drank from with special opening act, the knife used to cut the last fried peanut butter and banana sandwich he ate. Or Tom Dreesen.

By the time you finish reading this sentence, Ricky Williams will have once again changed his mind about returning to play in the NFL.

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Class of 2005 has been selected. Joining those already inducted will be U2, the Pretenders, Buddy Guy, the OíJays and Percy Sledge. Left out again were the Sex Pistols, Hermanís Hermits and Patti Smith. In the words of Gomer Pyle, USMC, "Fer shame, fer shame, fer shame!"

The Peopleís Choice Awards have added fourteen new categories to its list of coveted awards. They include Favorite Movie, Favorite Hair, Favorite "Look" and Favorite On-Screen Chemistry. Totally overlooked were such potential categories as Favorite Celebrity Arrest, Favorite Elton John Hissy Fit and Favorite Female Celebrity To Watch Bend Over.

A new idea for a drinking game. While reading rock music magazines, down a shot every time a new bandís sound is compared to Coldplay. Two shots when someone is hailed as the next Ryan Adams.

There was another investigative search at Michael Jacksonís Neverland Ranch. Apparently, detectives were looking for a pair of sunglasses one of them might have left there during a previous search. It was probably during the one where they found a porn magazine with fingerprints on it belonging to the King of Pop and his alleged victim. Of course, in this case "Jack & Jill" might be considered porn, so who really knows.

Quick question: Am I the only one who giggles when itís reported that someone has pulled out of the Big Unit deal because theyíre not satisfied?

Paul McCartney will be the star attraction at the Ameriquest Mortgage Super Bowl XXIX Half-time Show. Fortunately for the youngsters watching at home, McCartneyís daughter is a fashion designer so we shouldnít have to worry about a "wardrobe malfunction" this time. Unfortunately, there is no guarantee that Sir Paul wonít be singing another duet with Terry "I should be working like a log" Bradshaw.

First Tom Brokaw signed off as anchorman for the NBC Nightly News and now Dan Rather will be stepping down as anchor of the CBS Evening News this year. Canít say that I blame him. If I sat at the same desk for twenty five years and couldnít make up my own news, Iíd quit, too.

Kirstie Alley has signed on to be the new spokesperson for Jenny Craig. She wonít have to go on the diet, she just has to appear in the ads and scare people into signing up.

I watched some of "Saturday Night Live" recently and now that the really annoying people are gone, all thatís left are the really boring ones and hot Tina Fey, who isnít so hot now that everyone else says she is and you get the feeling she knows it. And whatís my reaction to women co-anchors on "Weekend Update"? Well, I donít think of it as two women doing it (tee-hee), I think of it as one woman and someone who is not Jimmy Fallon.

And finally, we bid farewell to Jerry Orbach, the likable veteran actor who played Detective Lennie Briscoe on NBCís "Law & Order" for twelve years. Orbach, who would have been our choice to take the lead in "The Ray Raynor Story," may have become famous by playing a wisecracking cop on television, but he got respect and a Tony Award for his work on Broadway. And unlike the cops on "Cop Rock," Orbach could carry a tune. "The Fantasticks," "Promises, Promises," "42nd Street" and "Chicago" are among the musicals Orbach appeared in and he even had a role in one of Woody Allenís best films, "Crimes and Misdemeanors." Still, to most of us he will always be Lennie Briscoe, the heart and soul of the "Law & Order" franchise. Thankfully, he leaves us twelve years of repeats to remember him by.