Absolutely The Very Last & Final F&R (of 2003)
Allied
forces found Saddam Hussein hiding like a rat in a hole in the
ground, but first they had to perform a DNA test to make sure
they didnít capture Rupert, the disgusting crazy guy from
"Survivor." Hussein surrendered without a shot being fired and
now the world awaits to see if the big talkiní former dictator
will go on trial, be executed or wind up with his own reality
series on Fox. ("He once had millions of people executed, but
watch what happens when itís his turn to clean out the grease
traps!") Naturally, the news media was quick to jump on the story of Saddamís capture, but only the Weekly World News had the courage to run the story on Husseinís secret gay marriage to Osama bin Laden. And howís come the networks have yet to acknowledge Bat Boyís role in the War on Terror?
Al Gore announced his support for Democratic candidate Howard Dean this month, but I doubt having your hand raised in the air by the former Vice President of the United States will equal the photo op of President Bush waving Saddam Husseinís head on the end of a big pointy stick.
The "Double Fantasy" album John Lennon signed for his killer the day he was shot has gone on sale on-line for $525,000. No word yet on how much it would cost to get five minutes alone with the scum who said "thanks for the autograph" by gunning down Lennon.
Rolling Stone magazineís "500 Greatest Albums of All Time." Not as stinky as you might expect, but why did they let Britney Spears vote? And how many of those 500 albums do you think sheís actually heard?
A snag in the Michael Jackson child molestation case. It turns out our laws only apply to people from this planet.
An upside to the Michael Jackson child molestation case? Maybe itíll cost him so much money to defend himself that heíll have to sell his rights to the Beatles songs to Paul McCartney.
Glen Campbell was arrested after driving under the influence, colliding with another car and then assaulting a police officer by kneeing him. At the station, Campbell raised a fuss, demanded to see the chief of police and informed officers he shouldnít be there because of who he was. "Iím Glen Campbell," he told them, thus dismissing their theory that Campbell was having delusions and thought he was Courtney Love or something.
Singer Meat Loaf (not to be confused with Doctor Meat Loaf or Meat Loaf the shop teacher), collapsed on-stage last month but will resume his European tour after undergoing surgery for a heart condition. Meat Loaf has a heart condition? Go figure.
"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and theyíre like 'Itís better than yours.' Damn right, itís better than yours. I can teach you, but I have to charge," Ah, if only Steve Allen were alive today.
Mick Jagger was knighted, which means he is now Sir Mick to all of you commoners out there. Keith Richards criticized Jagger for accepting the honor, but Mick said he had to because Prime Minister Tony Blair insisted on it. Well, I for one feel better knowing Mick Jagger was kissing up to a politician and not the Royal Family when he became a member of that special club with the likes of Sir Elton and Sir Paul.
John Oates has just re-released his out-of-print solo album from 2002 so it can be ignored all over again.
No money was awarded to either side in the Rosie OíDonnell case when the judge made his ruling, which in laymanís terms was, "Stop wasting my time."
Ozzy Osbourne stopped breathing and had no pulse after he flipped his ATV over and it landed on him. At first doctors were concerned because Ozzy was babbling incoherently and had no idea where he was, but after wife Sharon explained that was normal for her husband, they now feel he will make a full recovery and one day be able to return to his regular routine of being a danger to himself and all those around him.
Rolling Stoneís "50 Greatest Albums of All Time" and Britney Spears - Part 2: Do you really think they should give voting privileges to someone who thinks the original version of "I Heard It Through The Grapevine" was done by the California Raisins?
Forever 27. Thereís Jimi, Janis, Jim, Kurt and now Keiko, the killer whale who played the title role in the film "Free Willy." Yes, Keiko was only 27 when he died from pneumonia this month, but I donít think weíll be hearing any rumors that he sold his soul to devil for fame and then died an early death as part of the payment. I mean, whoíd do that just to be in one hit movie and then spend the rest of his life swimming around the water eating fish? Then again, whoíd wanna sell their soul and wind up married to Courtney Love?
And finally...
The entire staff at LakinLand would like to wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Let there be peace on earth soon (although I wouldnít bet on it) and letís hope 2004 will see less bloodshed than 2003. Put a little love in your heart, everyone, and the world will indeed be a better place for you and me.
Fuck and Run- "The Archives" is right here in case you missed an edition.