(Whatís So Funny ëBout) The Police, Love Hewitt and Cancellation?

The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Class of 2003 has been announced and, for the most part, itís a pretty cool bunch indeed. Just one problem. Will they stop fighting long enough to be inducted?

Elvis Costello and the Attractions. First time on the ballot and our boy makes it! But does the inclusion of his back up band mean heíll have future consideration as a solo artist? And will he kiss and make-up with Bruce Thomas or ask his mate Nick Lowe to drop by and handle the bass chores?

The Clash instead of the Sex Pistols? Damn straight! Sure, "Never Mind, etc." is one great album, but a straight flush beats high card anytime!! Fortunately, I think Mick, Joe, Paul and Topper have patched up their differences, but what about the two yahoos who came in after Jones was booted from the band? Do they get to show up? And if so, how long do they have to park cars before they can sit down and enjoy the buffet?

The Police. What a band! Then somebody got too big for their britches and the rest is history. Pay close attention, kids. This could be Stingís first of three inductions into the hall. Five years from now, he could be voted in as a solo artist and a year after that, his ego will be eligible.

For those about to rock, AC/DC will get their props as they join the elite in rock musicís museum of honor. Yeah, they deserve it. And I really wouldnít mind seeing them back up E.C. in a killer rendition of "Pump It Up." But Iím not sure if Iím ready to watch bandleader Paul Shaffer join in on the head banging. That could be something that would give me nightmares for many years to come.

And then thereís the Righteous Brothers, the singing duo that made Rebecca Howe horny on "Cheers." Do they really belong in the R&R Hall of Fame or should they be placed in the Academy of the Overrated instead? I mean, who needs Blue Eyed Soul when you can have the real thing? Blame it on the veteranís committee, I guess. Maybe theyíll just stick their exhibit next to the one for Ritchie Valens and no one will notice.

And now for all the other stuff..

Thousands of irate fans rioted in Vancouver when Axl Rose became a no show and the first concert of a Guns ëN Roses tour had to be canceled. It could have been worse. Just think how bad it wouldíve been if Axl had made the gig and the fans actually heard the new version of the band play an entire show!

Jennifer Love Hewitt. Did you know you could buy a picture of her almost naked and it comes with a free CD? Sheís a serious artist all right. And what does the "Love" stand for anyway?

Hewittís new album, by the way, is called "Bare Naked," so I guess that explains the provocative pose on the cover. Meanwhile, Christina Aguileraís new CD is titled "Stripped" and it, too, has a cover shot of the artist in a revealing outfit. Whatís next? A new album by Britney Spears called "Full Frontal"?

Miss Aguilera, I should mention, recently appeared on the cover of Rolling Stone wearing nothing but her birthday suit and a guitar. Donít worry. All of her naughty bits were covered and since Christina had to use one of her hands to hide a boobie, there was no serious threat that she would actually attempt to play the guitar.

"60 Mintues" producer Donald Love Hewitt thinks CBS is trying to force him out of his job and replace him with someone younger (which would be just about anyone in the business who isnít a current anchor on "60 Minutes"). Hewitt, however, says he still enjoys his work and doesnít plan on stepping down until he at least reaches the showís mandatory retirement age of one hundred and twelve.

ABC was the first network to get out the ax when it canceled two of its new shows, "That Was Then" and the heavily promoted gimmick series, "Push, Nevada." To fill some of the vacated time on their schedule, ABC will be running repeats of "Monk" that were originally aired on the USA network. Wow, imagine your show being so bad, the network has to borrow a show from someone else to run in its place!

I understand ABC moved Drew Careyís Big Fat Comedy Hour to Friday nights because some viewers were accidentally bumping into it on Mondays just before the football game. And I read somewhere that Drew told his writers to make the scripts for his sitcom less silly this year. Talk about shutting the barn door after the horses have already gotten out and done way too many lard ass jokes. And does this mean the character of Mimi will now have a non-speaking and non-visual role?

Kim Delaney will be leaving "CSI: Miami" after appearing in only the first ten episodes of the new hit crime drama on CBS. How about that! Someone pulling a "Caruso" on a show starring David Caruso. According to producers, the decision for Miss Delaney to leave the series was a mutual one because her character didnít quite work out as planned. Sort of like when Diane Wiest was asked to not come back as the D.A. on NBCís "Law and Order." They said they had gone just as far as they could with her character, which loosely translated into plain English means, "You suck, go away."

Residents of Halsa, Norway got upset when they thought former talk show host Rosie OíDonnell was moving into the neighborhood, but as it turns out, it was only the whale from "Free Willie" who was being led to its new home in Taknes Bay. "That takes a load off my mind," said one relieved Norwegian who lives near the bay. "Not only will the whale be easier to get along with, but we also wonít have to worry about Boy George showing up for any surprise visits."

Singer Bobby Brown was arrested by authorities in Atlanta, Georgia on the charge of, "Itís been awhile, so why not." To make things easier, Brown happened to be carrying a small amount of marijuana at the time and was driving without a license or proof of insurance. The next day, Brown appeared in court to face charges dating back to 1997 that include driving under the influence, speeding and operating a vehicle like it was his marriage. With the charges still unresolved, Brown remains free on bond, which means he can go ahead with his plans to tour and continue to break traffic laws in the manner he has grown accustomed to.

Winona Ryder has been found guilty of taking stuff without paying for it, but the prosecutors in the case donít want to put the young actress behind bars. After spending all that time and money to bring her to justice, they just want to rub Ryderís nose in her boo-boo and then make her do some community service crap. Okay, so maybe throwing a Hollywood starlet into the slammer isnít the right sentence for this crime, but they could at least punish her in a way befitting someone of her profession. Like make her a regular in a series on PAX for a year. Hey, if you canít do the time...

A judge has denied bail for Robert Blake, so the actor who played the title role in the hit TV series "Barretta" will have to stay in jail while he waits for his murder trial to begin. Youíd think the judge could have at least given Blake a two hour pass so he could run to the salon and get himself a dye job. Or pick up copies of his TV show on DVD.

Itís true. There was a plot to kidnap one of the Spice Girls and hold her for ransom. Before they were foiled, the kidnappers were planning to snatch Posh Spice as she left her home and demand fourteen millions dollars for her return. How much did they want to not give her back? "Ahh, you no can afford that!"

and now we remember...

Richard Harris. He has lost his battle with cancer, which means theyíll have to get someone else to take over his key role in the remaining Harry Potter movies. (Is Rod McKuen still around?) Hopefully, the producers werenít totally unprepared for this setback. I mean, did they really think Harris was going to live long enough to complete the seven film series? And now they also have to worry about replacing the kid actor who plays the title character. Recently, Daniel Radcliffe said he may pack it in after the third installment is completed and concentrate on other roles. Oh well, maybe by then Harry Potter will be old enough to be played by George Clooney.

Also passing away...Jonathan Harris, the actor who starred as Dr. Smith on the TV series, "Lost In Space." He was also the foil to Jose Jimenez on the Bill Dana Show in the sixties and provided the voice for Big Ben Healy in the cartoon version of "Problem Child." May he rest in peace anyway.

And finally, the music world lost a true pioneer when Jam Master Jay of Run-DMC was shot and killed inside his studio in Queens. Now, Iím not a big rap fan, but you wonít hear me complaining about these guys. They were the first rap group to go platinum with their album "Raising Hell" and they did it without degrading women or making rhymes about busting a cap in someoneís ass. They also recorded a killer remake of "Walk This Way" with Aerosmith and made a video for the song that was funny and rockiní. And on top of that, they were cool enough to take a Mike Nesmith song and turn it into a hit single hip-hop style without having to cuss even once. Now thatís what I call class.