"Elvis, Will You Make Me Some Biscuits?"

Billy Bob Thornton to tour with Elvis Costello? Will this be the first time a rock star went on the road with someone who worked with John Ritter? And whatís Billy Bob gonna do for an encore - lick his wife on-stage?

"Spiderman" replaced "The Scorpion King" as the big stinkiní movie of the moment, but its time on top was short-lived. The new box office big daddy is "Star Wars: Episode II - Send In The Clones" and most critics agree: "At least itís better than the last Star Wars movie." Of course, maybe theyíd be more enthusiastic if they all saw it as it was meant to be seen - on a digital projector in a theater that meets George Lucasí picky high standards. Yes, I hear that when viewed under the right circumstances, even the super annoying Jar Jar Binks seems almost bearable. Almost.

Wow, so macho stud Russell Crowe roughed up Moby in a menís room in Sydney. What a big tough manly man he is. Maybe he should hang out with that guy who used a stun gun on David Spade and smack around a few girl scouts just for kicks.

The Rolling Stones announced they will tour in celebration of their 40 years in show business and at each city they will play in three different type venues: one made of straw, one of sticks and a third made from bricks. Unlike previous tours, the Stones wonít have a new album to promote, which means fans wonít have to put up with the obligatory new crap in between the obligatory greatest hits. Ticket prices are expected to be hefty, but this may be the last time fans get to see the three original members of the band perform live with their original hips.

You know weíre living in different times when a major television network is banking on a Barry Manilow special to help pull in big numbers during sweeps month. Yes, the guy who wrote the songs that make the young girls cry (but didnít write that one) had his own prime time showcase on CBS and heís hoping it will land him a weekly spot on the networkís schedule in the near future. And CBS might be wise to make it happen. After all, itís the only network where a show by Manilow would actually lower the average age of its viewing audience.

"Dharma and Greg" got canceled by ABC. Yeah, I know. It hurts me, too. I just hope Jenna Elfman doesnít let the series and everything else sheís done pigeonhole her into playing nothing but kooky blondes for the rest of her career. I really think sheís got what it takes to play a kooky brunette or redhead if just given the right script and a proper dye job. But at least the actor who played Greg wonít have to worry about typecasting. Heís been the star of a network sitcom for five years and still nobody knows who the hell he is.

Meanwhile, "The Drew Carey Show" is getting moved to Mondays so it can get chewed up and spat out by the beast know as the Raymond lineup. Its just ABCís way of saying, "Thanks, Drew, donít let the door hit you in the ass on the way out." Now, thatís funny.

The Daytime Emmys. Yes, they give out awards for that garbage. And for the sixth year in a row Rosie OíDonnell won for Best Talk Show Host. Actually, Iím kind of surprised. I thought for sure thereíd be a backlash this year after the voters found out she was gay. Or maybe they already knew. After all, Rosie made no secret of the fact she liked show tunes.

Will Ferrell is leaving "Saturday Night Live." I guess this should make me happy, but as long as Chris Kattan is still on the show there is really no reason for me to rejoice. Maybe heís waiting to hook up with Ferrell in a sequel to "A Night At The Roxbury" and become the new millenniumís answer to John Belushi and Dan Ackroyd. Gee, do I get to pick which one dies of a drug overdose and which one gets to languish pathetically in a string of really awful films?

Fox Celebrity Boxing, round two. John-Wayne Bobbit backed out of a match with Joey Buttafuoco. Guess he didnít have the balls after all. And did we really need to see William "The Refrigerator" Perry shirtless at the weigh in?

The clock has stopped ticking for the first season of "24" and you knew Teri was a goner the moment she had her tearful "Iím having your baby" phone call with her husband, Agent Jack Baur. But wasnít it fun watching Jack plug Victor Drazen full of holes after the nasty bad guy pathetically raised his hands in surrenderí And yes, the show has been renewed for next season, which means Jack will be back to track down Ninaís real boss and weíll hopefully get to see more of Kimberlyís cute little bare midsection.

And finally, I saw Arsenio Hall on "The Tonight Show" the other night making nice with Jay Leno. Apparently, Aresenio is going back to his roots and doing standup comedy. And from what I saw of his desk side chat with Jay, those roots werenít in any way connected to the funny tree. I wonder if itís too late too cancel the comedy club tour and make a buddy flick with Joe Piscopo.