Super Bowl 2002 - All That The Patriots Left Behind Was The Rams

You know St. Louis was in trouble when a guy who recorded an album called "Ram" picked the New England Patriots. But what does Paul McCartney know about football? Apparently a lot more than the so-called experts who didnít give the Patriots a snowballís chance in hell of winning.

Of course, the Super Bowl is more than just a football game...itís an event! With a former Beatle headlining a pre-game show that was as long as the game itself and a half time show featuring the worldís number one rock band, this was an extravaganza second to none. The fact that the game was worth watching was only icing on the cake.

Barry Manilowís "Tribute to America." First off, was that really Barry Manilow or just a giant "Thunderbirds are go!" puppet? And will somebody please tell Patti LaBelle to cover herself up and stop doing those frightening exotic bird calls!

Unfortunately, due to security reasons, they werenít allowed to untie the Wynonna balloon and let it float around the stadium as planned. On the upside - it was large enough that even the people in the nosebleed seats could see it anyway.

Who put together the pre-game segments on the Declaration of Independence and Abraham Lincoln...Kevin Costner? Man, they went on forever. And who cares how tall Lincoln was? There were 80,000 people in attendance so why bring things to a screeching halt by showing a stinkiní movie? Yeah, like Bill Cowher had any idea what the hell he was reading off those cue cards.

Then Mary J. Blige and Marc Anthony did their "we are being tortured while we sing this" version of "America." But at least it gave me time to take a bathroom break and not miss any of the Super Bowl commercials or what was coming up next.

"...and the rest of you just wiggle your glow sticks."

Yes, Paul McCartneyís performance was the best, but it was a shame he only played one song. And why werenít there any shots of people singing along with Macca as he sang "Freedom," the song he wrote in the aftermath of the attacks on 9/11? Maybe the producers of the pre-game festivities should have watched a tape of McCartneyís Concert for New York City and tried to put together a condensed version of that instead. When The Who sang "Wonít Get Fooled Again," I cried. When Nancy Reagan and the ex-prezes did their rendition of "Listen To What The Man Said," I just yawned.

Another clue there mightíve been an upset in the making - During the player introductions, the Rams had their offensive starters announced position by position. But the Patriots chose to have themselves introduced as one big happy gang. Thereís still no "I" in team, right?

Remember when you thought the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders wore revealing outfits? How about those rah-rah girls for the Rams and Patriots? Two opposing squads with one common denominator: awesome tummies.

At least Mariah Carey kept everything inside her dress when she sang the national anthem before the game. And she almost got all the way through it before she let loose one of her Minnie Ripperton dog whistle high notes. Almost.

And was I the only one who noticed the absence of the obligatory record label plug as Miss Five Octaves was introduced? Oh, thatís right. Mariah doesnít have a label right now. Just a big fat paycheck for going away quietly.

And now a word from our sponsors...

Jared the Subway Sandwich lard butt sure is getting cocky. After sitting down to have lunch with his stalker in one commercial, he turned into a regular smartass and started shooting off his mouth in the new spot for his favorite hangout. Too bad those guys at the other table didnít get up and pummel the obnoxious dork with his own low fat sub. Now that would be a great commercial.

The Lipton puppets. They were almost as scary as Patti LaBelleís cleavage. And I think the Danny DeVito one was actually taller than DeVito himself.

The history of Pepsi Cola as sung by Britney Spears. Not a bad ad, but howís come all those Pepsi jingles are a lot better than any of the songs on her latest album? And whatever happened to Bob Dole and his excitable dog?

Led Zeppelinís "Rock & Roll" in a Cadillac commercial? Now I really know Iíve lived too long! (And please be sure and shoot me when someone uses "When The Levee Breaks" in a spot for laxatives.)

Lots of ads for upcoming movie releases - some of them not being released until this summer. The new Spiderman flick looks like it might be pretty cool. And I canít wait to see the third Austin Powers movie: Never Say Goldmember Again.

U2. Is there anyone out there right now that comes even close? Nope. And they didnít need any young snots shakiní their booties to make this half time show one of the best in the history of the Super Bowl. But why did the director choose the most emotional moment of their performance to superimpose the E-Trade logo at the bottom corner of the screen? Yes, once again another example of the crass commercialization of Americaís favorite unofficial holiday.

Just before the start of the second half, Sir Paul McCartney sat down to chat with the fab four of FOX: JB, Terry, Cris and Howie. Itís touching that Terry Bradshaw got his big chance to sing with an ex-Beatle, but at least he could have picked a song he knew the words to. ("Mumbo"?) And by the way, isnít Bradshaw the same guy who used to get mad when people called him stupid during his playing days?

Okay, so the Patriots went on to pull the biggest upset in the Super Bowl since Joe Namath and the Jets beat the Colts in Super Bowl III. And they did it in dramatic fashion by moving the ball down field in the last minute of the game and kicking a field goal as time expired on the clock. Not bad for a game that was supposed to be over before the fat lady even got a chance to warm up. (And I donít mean Wynonna.) Now letís hope the Patriots avoid a future quarterback controversy by making Tom Brady their permanent starter and trading Drew Bledsoe to the Chicago Bears.

And letís wish the best to Pat Summerall, who stepped down as the play-by-play man for FOXís A-Team of NFL coverage. I guess heís not retiring - or at least he doesnít want to - but heíll no longer be doing the primary national games with John Madden as his partner. Itíll be strange. Summerall has been one of the few constants (maybe the only one) since I started watching pro football way back in the late sixties. Heís the best there ever was at his position in the booth and he will be missed. And Iím so glad he and Madden could put their affiliations with competing hardware chains aside to become the greatest announcing team in the the history of the NFL.