I finally got around to watching an episode of Survivor. Geeze, a bunch of back stabbing, two-faced, selfish liars thrown together and getting voted off one by one until only two remain and then everyone gets to vote on who wins the big prize. Wait a minute, that wasnít Survivor I was watching. It was a documentary on the presidential primaries.

Monday Night Football 2000. The first time Dennis Miller had to talk about a groin injury he snickered. Color me surprised.

Coyote Ugly? I donít know, those chicks look pretty hot to me. Yeah, part Flashdance, part Cocktail and from the songs listed on the soundtrack, I get the feeling itís also part Urban Cowboy. Four new Leanne Rimes songs? Ah, and that boot stompiní butt thumpiní crowd pleaser, The Devil Went Down To Georgia. Hey, wouldnít you much rather see those shapely babes shakiní their groove things to a good old fashioned Rick James funk workout?

Hereís a real shocker. (Are you sitting down?) Macaulay Culkin and his wife have decided to separate after only two years of marriage. The good news is now the Culkster can concentrate full time on his acting career.

Looking buff, Jarod! Right. The Subway Sandwich diet boy is still a lard butt, which is why heís sitting around on the beach fully clothed, but that doesnít stop the girls from flirting with him. And that lifeguard really digs the way he shoves that cold cut torpedo into his mouth.  Sure makes you hungry, donít it?

Almost immediately after being released from prison, actor Robert Downey, Jr. was given a recurring role on Ally McBeal. Hey, hasnít he paid his debt to society all ready?

Creedence Clearwater Revival CDís have been remastered so now the music doesnít sound like itís being filtered through Saul Zaentzís underpants. Great, Iíd wish theyíd done that before I spent over twenty bucks each for the gold disc versions of four of the albums. And do the new remastered CDs sound better than the gold ones? Should I upgrade? Why isnít there a help line to answer important questions like this?

Former president Gerald Ford is so boring he could have a stroke and no one would even notice. Oh wait, that actually happened. Sorry.

Okay, I guess VH-1 had some special program that listed the "Greatest Rock & Roll Moments on Television." I wouldnít know for sure because our cable company doesnít carry that network. (But I think thereís a channel that broadcasts Robert Urichís made for TV movies 24 hours a day.) I wonder if Hermanís Hermits guest shot on The Danny Kaye Show made the list. Or at least the Iím Henry The VIII, I Am duet between the multi-talented Mr. Kaye and Peter Noone. Or how about the time Rerun and the gang helped The Doobie Brothers bust some tape bootleggers on Whatís Happening!! Maybe I should just come up with my own list.

Thank god, the Kathy Lee Gifford death march is over! Is there a talk show she didnít pop up on during her last week of doing it live with Regis? Or a rock she didnít crawl out from under? The downside of her leaving her TV roost? Now sheíll have more time to devote to her singing!!

Also in the "Hello, I must be going department" is the Taco Bell Chihuahua. They gave him his pink slip, but heís still showing up during commercial breaks to hawk Americaís favorite Mexican food substitute. Enough all ready. Sales are down, you got fired, now scat!! (And I donít mean sing like Mel Torme.)

Now available on home video: Erin Brokovich - the movie that just might win a Best Actress award for Julia Robertsí cleavage!

But seriously folks...coming in September are new DVD releases of High Fidelity (9/18) and This is Spinal Tap (9/12). These are two of LakinLandís favorite movies and the DVD versions will have those nice extra features we really love. What a cool month. Iím already having my stereo amp rewired so it will go all the way to 11 for these babies!

What am Iím listening to while writing this? Let It Be by The Replacements. Donít confuse it with The Beatlesí album of the same title, which is also a big fave. Or donít get stupid and think the band has anything to do with that new football flick starring Keanu Reeves. This is the classic LP by the classic ëMats lineup with the cover shot of them all sitting on the roof of a house - kinda like those wacky bastards on 3rd Rock From Sun, only these guys did it first and they make me laugh more. Hooray for Twin\Tone. Listen to this record now. And then listen to The Beatles one, too. And Let It Bleed by The Rolling Stones.

And then tell someone you love them, but use hand puppets.