Spread your wings and fly away.

I watched the majority of The Birds this week on AMC. You know, you've got to be a fucking birdbrain to be scared by that movie. There is not a goddamn scary thing there. Other than the horrible effects, that is. Ooh, seagulls. Scary. Why didn't they just throw a loaf of bread out there? I'm sure that's all they really wanted.

Speaking of movies, I just got the new Rolling Stone, and it has Keanu Reeves on the cover. Aside from the fact that I don't see him as being appealing in any way, shape or form - his dopey puss made me figure something out...the power of the agent. Think about his big films: Speed, The Matrix and The Replacements (which will be huge). Does it matter at all that it's Keanu in those roles? No, it doesn't. It could be anyone, but his cred is high because he's worked in huge films that require no acting ability. And, while I've established that he has nothing to do with the success of those films from an artistic standpoint - it becomes clear that one's success can be solely due to one's placement. So, shouldn't it be his agent on the cover of Rolling Stone? Isn't he/she the real star here? His total talentlessness makes me cringe, but I can understand how his shitty films gain an audience - Speed: Ooh, excitement. The Matrix: Ooh, pretty colors. The Replacements: Ooh, Orlando Jones (who is one funny man). For Orlando's sake - and the sake of the greatest living American actor, Gene Hackman - I'd say go see The Replacements. But make sure people know you think Keanu is a turd.

Peter Frampton: Behind the Music [VH1] - Fuck you if you're even thinking about slamming Frampton Comes Alive! It's a great goddamn album, every song's a winner and you're a liar if you don't think so. And stupid. Peter seems like a swell guy, too. The only problem with that special was that it made me long to hear/see more Steve Marriott - one of the greatest. Ever. Period. Where's the Where Are They Now? with the smokin' babes from the Thunderbox album cover? I don't need no doctor, indeed!

Favorite Album Of All Time This Week©: Performance: Rockin' The Fillmore - Humble Pie

(From SonicNet) 17 year old Napsterite from Hillsbourough, N.J., said she would turn to other file-trading programs, such as Freenet or Gnutella, if Napster started charging. "It defeats the entire purpose of Napster, which is to be able to get any type of music you want when you want it, without paying," Kayes said. "If I had to pay a fee for Napster, I might as well just buy the CDs." ëNuff said. If I havenít said it lately ñ NAPSTER IS STEALING!

Colleen? Nooo... I could feel the softening of dicks all across America with that torch snuff. Or, at least the dicks in my time zone. Of course, I guess the flaccidity began when we found out she had maggots living in the sores on her legs. And, as the alliance crumbles, Big, Gay, Naked Richard lives to see another Tribal Council. Who'd a thunk it? I did hear a rumor that someone else may be coming out of the closet, though. Hmmm, now Sean asking Richard to cum, er, come have breakfast is starting to make sense. I mean, during the Big, Gay, Naked times, Sean may have got a hankeriní for a smoky link. Of course, with Dad on board ñ it would be a little tough to have good butt sex. Best goddamn show on television.

Speaking of television, did anyone else watch the VH1 Greatest Rock & Roll Moments On Television? Now, while there was some cool shit there, it really seemed like they came up with the "moments" and didnít know what to do with them. Roseanne singing the National Anthem is there, then Whitney Houston doing it was next and Marvin Gaye doing it was in front of that. What? Itís the age old, cop out "rock & roll is an attitude/rock & roll is a musical movement/rock & roll is a dessert topping" argument, with neither picked to steer the program in the right direction. Great clips and memories, but some poor-ass execution there. Of course, they could have showed the Meat Loaf movie again, so I should probably shut up.

I bought a copy of Squeeze's 1995 release Ridiculous [IRS] for a buck a few months ago, and finally got around to listening to it this week. It made me realize something about Squeeze records, or at least all of them that come after Cosi Fan Tutti Frutti (my fave, btw) - while they're certainly a joy to listen to, there ain't a whole lotta meat there. And, it's damn near impossible to tell them apart. My God, there have been 6 new records released (plus a live record and a couple comps) since Cosi. And, sure Babylon & On had a couple great singles in "Hourglass" & "853-5937", but can you name any other tunes from it? How many of you still own Frank? How many of those who do have listened to it in the last year? Don't get me wrong, I love those first 6 records, but, jeez, they should really think about packing it in. Donít cha think?

Favorite Song Of All Time This Week©: "Loveís Crashing Waves" ñ Difford & Tillbrook. Man, what a singleÖ

Happy Birthday To Thee From LEE This Week©:

Not sure if Iíve raved about Madonnaís incredible new single, "Music", yet. But, itís a gas, kids. Sheís fucking timeless.

Question Of The Week©: Whatís YOUR, not necessarily the, definitive Rock & Roll Moment On Television?

©2000 Lee M. Lodyga