LeeMail- 3/31/2000

LEEMail

Same old story, same old song & dance - my friend.

The 72nd Academy Awards. Where to start... How about the dREaD carpet. Is it just me or is Erykah Badu starting to look dangerously like Marge Simpson? Someone needs to tell Charlize Theron that a seam up the front of the dress is a Bozo no no. And hearing those celebs bitch about having to get dressed up... Fuck you people. Go naked. Of course, leave it to Trey Parker & Matt Stone to teach us all a bit about fashion. Tyra Banks proved during the preshow that you can take the brain out of the model, but you can't find a model who hasn't had the brain taken out already. So anyway, the show. Over four hours to find out what everyone already knew. And I kept waiting for Peter Coyote to give me the Lakers' score or something. Billy Crystal? Used to be funny. Hasn't been for years. His "What Are They Thinking" segment was truly the ultimate in hack. Ooh, a thong joke during a shot of Judi Dench. Hi-fuckin-larious. He should write a movie. Mr Saturday Night 2, anyone? I'll tell you what would have been funny, having Haley Joel Osment intro the "In Memoriam" section. Or having Lucy Liu karate chop the shit out Cameron Dumazz and Duh Barrymore. (Which do you think cost more, their dresses or the coke they were hopped up on?) How about four hours and 9 minutes of "King Gimp" winning his award? That's comedy. And weirdness abounded. Angelina Jolie, obviously coming straight from the set of the newest direct to video Addams Family movie, told us that she sleeps with her brother, right? And I'm pretty sure that cinematographer told us he was a pedophile, too. And that honorary shit. Hey, I'm a Polack and I've never heard of that guy's movies. Although Robin Williams was not nearly as annoying as I thought he'd be, and the audience laughed genuinely hard at the song, not him - Best Song went to Phil Collins. I guess the Academy was awarding him for writing the same goddamn boring song for the last 72 years. Speaking of boring songs, Burt Bacharach's dreadful Best Song parody, er- homage was 20 minutes that we certainly could have been spared. Hell, if we've gotta sit through Garth Brooks, why not at least have Chris Gaines show up to sing "Fame." And if you're upset about my King Gimp comment from earlier, get upset about them putting Ray Charles - Music Legend - in that box, shooting him out for a few minutes and then pulling him back in. My God, he was below Garth. That thing could have collapsed! What a lousy segment. My bet is that Isaac Hayes asked to have the fog machine turned up to 11. Thank God for Dionne. "Alfie" STILL kicks my ass. Yeesh, what an exhausting night. Oh well, at least I got to see 23 seconds of Kiss in hour three. But, you know what the truly sad thing is? I'll watch the fucking thing again next year. Oh well, at least Roberto Begnini won't be there.

Favorite Song Of All Time This Week©: "Empty & Meaningless" - froSTed

Freaks & Geeks. Still cancelled. At least I'm laughing now...

Kiss Me DeadLEE A Year Ago This Week©:

Jesse Stone, 97. Wrote "Shake,Rattle & Roll." April 01.

Lionel Bart, 68. Lyricist. April 03.

Red Norvo, 91. Xylophonist. April 04.

You know, the new XTC album (Wasp Star - Apple Venus, Vol. 2) streets the day before my birthday. Fucking kismet, or what?

Oh yeah...published again. Check out the new miscelLEEneous section of http://theleepage.homepage.com

Happy Birthday To Thee From LEE This Week©:

04/01/32 Debbie Reynolds

04/01/46 Ronnie Lane

04/02/39 Marvin Gaye

04/03/41 Jan Berry

04/03/41 Philippe Wynne

04/04/15 Muddy Waters

04/04/54 Jackie Chan

04/05/28 Tony Williams (from The Platters, not the drummer)

04/06/37 Merle Haggard

04/06/42 Phil Austin

04/06/44 Michelle Phillips

Favorite Album Of All Time This Week©: Don't Crush That Dwarf, Hand Me The Pliers - Firesign Theatre. You know, you could probably lose the "This Week" if you replaced "Favorite" with "Best Comedy".

High Fidelity opens this weekend. It's been a long time since I've been excited about a movie opening. It better not suck.