Sure, thereís a lot of film critics who make more money that I do and quotes from their reviews get plastered all over movie ads, but Iím still the only one that reviews most movies without actually seeing them. Plus I never tried to walk out of a music store with some CDs I didnít pay for!

High Fidelity
Can you hear me? Can You hear me?
This movie is good!
(Full review ) 

AMERICAN BEAUTY
The big winner at the Academy Awards 2000 ceremony including the grand poobah award for Best Goddam Picture. Kevin Spacey also picked up a gold statue for Best Actor, but Annette Bening went home empty handed (unless you count Warren Beatty). Yes, I did get a chace to check this one out before the voting members of the academy gave it their seal of approval. I caught it during itís strategic re-release a few weeks prior to the Marathon of Thank Youís and I must say it was pretty darn good. (And Spaceyís Oscar is very much deserved.) Is it really the very best "no doubt about it" movie of all of 1999? Hard for me to say, since itís the only one of the five nominated films I saw. However, of the films I did get off my butt and go watch on the big screen, Iíd say itís a toss up for Best Picture between this one and the South Park movie.

DROWNING MONA
The good news is Bette Midlerís character gets killed off near the beginning of the movie. The bad news is she keeps popping up in flashbacks.

ERIN BROCKOVICH
Julia Roberts shows a lot of cleavage and talks suggestive as a legal aide who, in the words of the print ads, "brought a huge company to its knees." Sounds like a plan to me. Now if we could just get her to put on some Barbarella costumes and read the letters to Penthouse, we might be talking Oscar material.

FINAL DESTINATION
A story about a teenager who has a premonition and cheats Death by convincing others to get off a plane he knows is gonna blow up. Well, heís right, but the fun doesnít stop there. Apparently, Death isnít fond of cheating and decides to administer a few make up tests in a effort to adjust the grading curve in favor of Fate. You know, I had a premonition, too. It said, "Stay away from this movie."

HERE ON EARTH
Wanna save some money? Donít buy a ticket for this movie. Buy a ticket to a movie that shows the trailer beforehand. It almost tells you the whole story and saves you the agony of having to sit through what appears to be a boring piece of crap. The plot has something to do with a small town girl, her boyfriend and the rich kid that fate wedges between them. Might have worked better if instead of a sexy hunk, the rich kid was Sonny Drsydale.

HIGH FIDELITY
The only thing I think Iíd like more than seeing this movie again is getting a chance to hang out at Championship Vinyl, the "fictitious" record shop in Chicago that serves as the main setting in this latest reincarnation of Woody Allenís Annie Hall. Yes, another story about a man who gets dumped by the current woman in his life and whose frustration causes him to reexamine his past failed relationships via flashbacks, fantasy sequences and yes, even the overused device of talking to the audience through the camera. But guess what? It works so well I could pee my pants! (And actually laughed so hard at one point, I got dizzy.) John Cusack stars as Rob Gordon, the main character and owner of Championship Vinyl. Just like Annie and Alvy, his relationship with Laura, his live-in girlfriend, becomes a dead shark and she leaves him for another guy. But thatís enough talk about the plot. Itís not so much what happens in High Fidelity that makes it such a kick in the pants funny movie. Itís the characters, the dialogue and an uncanny ability to recreate a world known only to those of us who have spent endless hours browsing through the bins of old record stores looking for rare b-sides, hard to find imports or just something new to add to the vinyl collection that served as the focal point of our lives. The staff of Championship Vinyl is so "hit the nail on the head" accurate, itís hilarious. Three guys, all very different in personality but drawn together by their common love of music and a disgust for the ignorance of those who donít know the difference between an original pressing and a reissue copy of a classic album. Besides Cusack as the shop owner, the other clerks are Dick, the reserved and shy type who seems to exist only through his connection with music, and Barry, the unyielding and overbearing dispenser of opinions who at one point ridicules a potential customer for wanting to purchase Stevie Wonderís "I Just Called To Say I Love You" and later sarcastically blasts Robís obvious choices for one of the many Top Five lists they compile during the storeís down times (which is almost always). God, does this movie bring back memories! Most of the credit for the brilliant dialogue in High Fidelity has to be given to Nick Hornby, the author of the amazing novel the film is based on. If you havenít read the book yet, you should. Even if you see the movie. Thereís a lot of good stuff they couldnít fit into the two hour running time of the screen version. Oh yeah, and one other thing I really like about this movie: The Music! A shit load of really freaking good tunes used to perfection from beginning to end. Although Iím not sure I understand why a movie called High Fidelity doesnít included the song of the same name by Elvis Costello and the Attractions. It would have made a great addition to the closing credits. Buy the soundtrack anyway. And read the book. And see this movie lots of times.

THE NEXT BEST THING
Madonna stars in this movie and people let me tell you about her best friend. Heís everything she could want in a man except for one thing. Heís gay. (Whoops!) But one night the two of them get liquored up and one thing leads to another and the next thing you know Madonna is showing him in a wonderful way how much she loves him by having his baby. (Whoops again!) What the heck, they decide to raise the baby themselves and become a quirky but happy family in the process. Letís just hope Mr. Roper doesnít find out

THE NINTH GATE
Roman Polanskiís latest film deals with the occult and some rare books that hold the secret to opening the gates of hell. Johnny Depp stars as a scruples free book broker who agrees to track down the authentic writings of Satan for a man who isnít satisfied by his Readerís Digest condensed versions. "They leave out all the really good parts," he explains, setting Depp off on a wild goose chase fraught will the usual spooky stuff that goes on when one deals with books long overdue from Beelzebubís library. Apparently the books come with a curse, and that curse is "You must be in this movie."

ROAD TO EL DORADO
No, not a re-release of an old Hope-Crosby classic. This is the latest animated dazzler to leap upon the big screen. It does kinda sound like a Bob and Bing type travelogue as two cartoon buddies take off in search of the fabled City of Gold (and Iím not talking about Motown). Kevin Kline, whoís probably still ashamed to show his face after the Wild Wild West debacle, lends his voice to the proceedings as does Kenneth Branagh, Armand Assante, Edward James Olmos and Rosie Perez. Music made possible by Elton John, Tim Rice, John Powell and Don, uh, Hans Zimmer.

THE SKULLS
What do you do when youíre an Ivy Leaguer snubbed by fellow students because you werenít born with a silver spoon in your mouth? You join a top secrete elite society called The Skulls and the next thing you know the campus world is your oyster and thereís 20,000 clams sitting in your bank account. Thereís only one problem, these Skull dudes are kinda shifty and just might be responsible for the death of someone who was ready to blow the whistle on their evil ways, baby. Gee, thereís always a catch. Now the newest member of the fun bunch has to be the one to expose them without becoming their next victim. See, now you know why I never went to college.

SNOW DAY
Getting the day off from school sure is a lot less fun when you realize Chevy Chase is gonna be hanging around. My advice? Wait until this movie comes out on video and rent something else.

THE WHOLE NINE YARDS
Matthew Perry (of Friends) plays opposite Bruce Willis in this new wacky comedy that has nothing to with football or measuring things. Willis plays a hit man who turns stateís witness but still accepts a job to kill Matthew Perryís character in the film. The offer comes from Perryís wife, who also talks him into telling the mob boss where Willis is hiding. Oh, I think we can all see where this one is going. Lots of zany stuff happens and somehow these two knuckle heads are gonna wind up helping each other out. (Or havenít you seen Trading Places?) Yes, I could be wrong. And I could eat a bug.

 In case you missed it here is the previous Danny's Movie Guide