LeeMail- 01/05/2001

LEEMail

Nothing he's got he really needs - 21st Century Schizoid Man

Cast Away. Come fucking on. Tom Hanks is another of those hacks like Robin Williams and Jim Carrey who walked through a dramatic hit and all of the sudden - boom - they're actors. You know, there's a lot of mediocre acting in Hollywood, and these ex-comics as artists really turn my stomach. Are there any movies worse than Nothing In Common or Punch Line? Yep, and guess what, they all star Robin Williams and Jim Carrey. I can't believe people spend money to see these pieces of tripe. But back to Mr. Hanks: In Forrest Gump, he played a retard - which every good comic should be able to do with both hands tied behind their backs. In Philadelphia, a gay man - see last comment. Give me $20 million and I'll lose 30 pounds in 4 months (with a personal chef and personal trainer, natch). The #1 movie in the country for 2 weeks. Give me a break. Turn on cable and find Gilligan's Island or go rent the Survivor DVD instead. Please don't go see this movie. You're only encouraging them.

Favorite Song Of All Time This Week©: "Desert Island" - XTC. Now, that's entertainment.

I was watching the Rose Parade, lamenting that there was no Credibility gap commentary to keep me awake during it, and saw a float based on the Nursery Rhyme: "There was an old woman who lived in a shoe." She had so many children, she didn't know what to do? I can tell you one thing she obviously knew how to do. What's up with that Nursery Rhyme? I mean, once you get old enough to figure it out, you realize she's a slut and you have zero empathy for her. Keep your legs closed, old woman. That one's enough to make you go Republican.

Speaking of which, the candidate who talked about bi-partisanship and inclusion has one Democrat and a couple Pro-Life Nazis in his cabinet. As Nostradamus said:

"Come the millennium, month twelve,
In the home of greatest power,
The village idiot will come forth
To be acclaimed the leader."

Boy Howdy.

Speaking of idiots, the Grammy Nominations for 2000 have been released. This year, instead of nominating an artist whose first record came out 9 years ago for Best New Artist (Kid Rock in 1999), they've nominated an artist whose first record (of 6) came out in 1989 - Shelby Lynne. Now, the fact that it's a mediocre at best record ain't the point; it's the fact that HER FIRST RECORD CAME OUT 12 YEARS AGO that irks me. To NARAS's defense, the fine print under Best New Artist now reads: "For an artist who releases, during the Eligibility Year, the first recording which establishes the public identity of that artist." Well, that ain't what Best NEW Artist sez to me. What about "Breakthrough Artist" or "We Should Have Noticed You 10 Years Ago Artist." Fuck, if that's the definition of Best New Artist, why didn't Carlos Santana win Best New Artist last year? Dorks in suits who think they know music. Cripes. Of course, the fact that Eminem is nominated for a slew of Grammys doesn't make things any better. He sucks and idiotic white people who are afraid of not seeming hip so they like his records suck, too. The point shouldn't be that the record is controversial or offensive, the point is that it's sophomoric crap. He may be a fine rapper, but Celine Dion's got a nice voice - do you wanna sit through one of her records? No one will listen to Eminem in 10 years - other than to laugh at it, as they will with the Macarena. I hope those nominations were no more than an effort to get people to watch the damn show, and aren't rewarded. These awards, however lame they might be, do go into the history books, y'know. Let's just try and forget.

Favorite Album Of All Time This Week©: Kid A - Radiohead. The best mother fucker released all year. (Other than Wasp Star- Apple Venus Volume 2, which is also really the best mother fucker released all year - but it wasn't nominated for anything...)

I got a new turntable over the holidaze, and I'll tell ya - as I don't want to get into the LPs sound better than CDs debate, but - ABC's The Lexicon Of Love has never sounded as good on CD as my overplayed, 18 year old piece of vinyl does. All Of My Heart, indeed!

Happy Birthday To Thee From LEE This Week©:

01/05/23 Sam Phillips

01/06/46 Syd Barrett

01/07/42 Paul Revere

01/08/35 Elvis Presley

01/08/40 Little Anthony Gourdine

01/08/47 David Bowie

01/09/41 Joan Baez

01/09/44 Jimmy Page

01/09/50 David Johansen

01/10/45 Rod Stewart

01/11/24 Slim Harpo

Don Martin, 68. MAD Magazine Cartoonist. January 06.

Bob McFadden, 76. Voice-over artist (possible best (un)known for providing the voice of the parrot who said "Ring Around The Collar" in Wisk advertisements in the 1970's). January 11.

Speaking of deaths... Boy, do I love Tostitos. Especially in a bowl. A veritable fiesta, they are.