LeeMail- 12/01/00

LEEMail

Soon turned out had a heart of glass.

4 motherfucking heart attacks. Four. Now remember, he's the one who will be running the country if ol' Beady Eyes wins the never ending recount. That's four heart attacks. Thanks again, Ralph.

Of course, these recounts are another thing altogether. It is 2000, right? Why the fuck we're still using the same voting techniques they used on the Little House On The Prairie is beyond me. We had more scientific and safe voting techniques to get people into Student Council. Note to whoever wins this thing - Job #1: Drag the voting process kicking and screaming into the 20th century. Please.

Favorite Song Of All Time This Week©: "Elected" - Alice Cooper.

Apparently, Christmas came earLEE this year. I can't tell which is better: The fact that Little Nicky tanked or the fact that Offspring's Conspiracy Of One is doing the same. The Little Nicky thing is a bit confusing, though. Let's see - Sandler acting like a retard for 90 minutes isn't funny this time, because... Unfortunately, The Grinch seems to be a hit. A big one. Oh well, so's "Who Let The Dogs Out ".

Question Of The Week© #1: What is the title of that goddamn movie - The Grinch or Dr. Suess' How The Grinch Stole Christmas? It should be Dr. Opie's How Jim Carrey Ruined A Classic. I don't care what the Grinch was thinking or want an explanation into his psyche - he's the Grinch. I want to see him steal Christmas and slice the roast beast in twenty six minutes! What's next, a Road Runner movie complete with a soliloquy from Wile E. Coyote? It's just like Disney's revisionist history for Hunchback Of Notre Dame. You know, some things should just be left alone. I live in L.A. and can tell you that there's someone who fancies themself a screenwriter on every block. I guess the real QOTW© 1 is: Why can't Hollywood make an original goddamn movie for a change?

The Record That Kicked LEE's Ass On The Radio This Week©: "Like A Prayer" - Madonna. God bless Madonna. She's so damn good. And my sympathies for the deaf members of this group who don't agree. Dump that "La Isla Bonita" bullshit from the cannon, and the rest is pretty brilliant. Hey, Ms. C., gimme a call. I got some good ideas for relaunching your catalog...

I swear to God I heard an ad on the radio the other day for an Elton John and Billy Joel concert. But that can't be, can it? I thought that little runt retired to do classical music and would never play his "pop" songs again. What a dick.

Speaking of live music, Neil Young has another live record coming out next week. I think that makes 723 - which is only 4 less than the Stones at this point. Plus, Year Of The Horse (the concert film) is out on DVD, and the CD audio version of the new one (which has a Vol. 1 attached to the title - yikes) is coming soon with 2 extra tracks. Hey Neil, I love another 18 minute version of "Cowgirl In The Sand" as much as the next guy, but how about getting off your ass and finally putting On The Beach or Time Fades Away out on CD. Oh I forgot - the guy who makes records drenched in feedback isn't satisfied with the fidelity of CD's. Methinks somebody's rolled too many numbers for the road.

Question Of The Week© 2: Who, unlike Neil, needs to record another live record?

Happy Birthday To Thee From LEE This Week©:

12/03/36 Lou Rawls

12/04/40 Freddie Cannon

12/04/42 Chris Hillman

12/05/32 Little Richard

12/05/40 John Cale

12/06/38 David Ossman

12/07/10 Louis Prima

12/07/49 Tom Waits

And, I'm sorry - but every Tom Waits record after Rain Dogs is essentially a piece of shit. Tom screamin' and bangin' on a trash can for an hour. Ooh, art. Remember when he used to write songs? Pick yourselves up Closing Time or Heartattack & Vine if you ain't got 'em (which you should) and learn yerselfs a little about great record making.

Charlie Byrd, 74. Guitarist. December 02.

Madeline Kahn, 57. Actress-comedian. December 03.

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