The Best Album Covers According to Rolling Stone (That arenít)

A few weeks back you couldíve logged onto the web site for Rolling Stone Magazine and voted for the Best Album Covers of all time. There were fifty nominees and when I saw that the first was the cover for Elvis Presleyís self-titled debut LP on RCA, I took that as a good sign. Then I clicked to the complete list of nominees and realized it was just the usual case of trying to please everyone by sucking up to all tastes in music and picking crap for crapís sake along with the truly deserving choices. So hereís my major beefs with the list. Sorry I didnít get this done in time for you to vote in the major election, but I think the poll had to be taken off to make room for a behind the scenes look at Brtiney Spears trying on hip huggers.

	1. No Strings Attached - ëN Sync A shitty boy bandís attempt at being satirical. Boo-hoo, they were being controlled like puppets by the man who manufactured them and made them what they are today. That aside, the cover is just plain ugly.
	2. Rio / Duran Duran - Didnít wanna slight the first generation of MTV viewers and apparently the cover of Huey Lewisís Sports album was too square to be hip. File under boring.
	3. 1984 / Van Halen - A rip-off of a parody of a classic painting. And the band sucks, too.
	4. Lovesexy / Prince - Are they serious? A nude erotic picture of the purple one touching his own nipple?! Maybe Jann Wenner gets off on this kind of stuff but I sure donít. And that strategically placed flower stamen is just plain wrong.
5. Rap Albums - Gotta stay hip to the hoppers and show the peeps that the RS posse is down with the bass thumpiní sounds of today.
	a) Doggystyle / Snoop Doggy Dogg -Looks like something the loser sitting next to you in homeroom might draw on the cover of his notebook.
	b) Straight Outta Compton / N.W.A. - A blatant rip-off of the More of the Monkees cover, which was a blatant homage to Rubber Soul.
	c) Flesh of My Flesh, Blood of My Blood / DMX - Heís got blood all over him. Societyís to blame.
	6. Enema of the State / Blink 182 - Gotta keep the new school punks happy or they wonít buy the magazine or the clothes advertised inside. Yeah, a woman with ample cleavage putting on rubber gloves excites me too, but that doesnít make this one of the best album covers ever. Just good jerking off material. (And isnít that what new school punks are all about?)
	7. Tales From Topographical Oceans / Yes - I was never a big fan of the trippy Roger Dean artwork that adorned the covers of all those Yes and Asia albums. Probably because it reminded me of the Yes and Asia music that was inside.
	8. Mechanical Animals / Marilyn Manson - Look, heís got no naughty bits!
	9. Homogenic / Bjork - Simple rule of thumb: If a picture of a woman on the cover frightens me, then theyíre doing something wrong. Maybe I shouldnít have complained so much about number six on the list.
10. Not Even Nominated! - Whereís Whoís Next?? Or Band on the Run?? And they chose Bruceís butt on Born In The USA over the classic Born To Run gatefold? This thing is rigged. How else can you explain the Blink182 porno star cover and Madonnaís Like A Virgin making the cut instead of No Secrets by Carly Simon? Cleavage shots are a dime a dozen. But perky nips beat out pouty lips any day of the week.