The One Where I Mention Mickey Rooneyís Bare Ass

The Super Bowl is over and I just have to ask, "Was it good for you?" Personally, I didnít care about either team, but if the Eagles had won at least we wouldnít have the pressure of trying to decide if the Patriots deserved to be called a dynasty. Or if theyíre the best team of all time. Or if Bill Belichick is the greatest coach ever. Or if Tom Brady is better than Joe Montana. Well, Iím not going to worry about it. Time and history will answer those questions. Until then Iíll just tell you what I do know. When it comes to Super Bowl commercials, monkeys is funny.

I do have an idea how they can improve the Super Bowl broadcast. Next year they should let Paul McCartney perform an entire concert and have the teams play the game in between sets. First one that scores wins and if they do it quick enough, we get another encore. But it canít be "Live & Let Die." Sure it "blowed up real good," but hopefully Sir Paul can find another song to play while showing off his light show.

On the plus side, at least Terry Bradshaw got the words right this time when he sang a duet with Macca during the pregame show on Fox. (Then again, how hard is it to mess up the chorus of "She Loves You"?) McCartney was also going to sing a song with Jimmy Johnson, but didnít want to take the rap for starting up another hair band.

Other odds and ends that have accumulated over the past few weeks...

The Chicago Cubs got a utility man and two minor leaguers in exchange for fallen idol Sammy Sosa and then they signed a free agent to take his place in right field. Now if they can just make a deal with Will Smith and get Jazzy Jeff to take over Sammyís job as clubhouse DJ, theyíll be all set for their 2005 run at the World Series. Or maybe they can talk Superjock Larry Lujack out of retirement. At least he might take a request once in awhile.

Why do we spend forty million dollars to inaugurate a President of the United States who is already President of the United States?

Remember the brouhaha over the Randy Moss fake mooning incident in Green Bay? If it was so terrible, why did they keep showing it over and over again? Are the kids who watch Sports Center less impressionable than the ones that watch the actual games?

Prince Harry, who is third in line to the English throne unless someone takes cuts, wore a swastika armband to a social function and boy, did he get yelled at! But seriously, is it really in such poor taste to go to a costume party dressed as Keith Moon?

The former lead singer for the Libertines was arrested on robbery charges and had to spend the weekend in jail because he couldnít make bail. Meanwhile Green Day is still receiving critical praise for the concept album they released last year. Címon whoís more punk!?!

Who would have thought that the final season of "The Sopranos" might start before the next season of the NHL?

When the papers report that Jesse Jackson, Jr. is saying bad stuff about Mayor Richard Daley, Jr., am I the only one thinking Chicago politics have turned into the Muppet Babies?

Fox wouldnít air a cold remedy commercial during the Super Bowl because it showed Mickey Rooneyís bare ass for a couple of seconds. This shouldnít bother the Indianapolis Colts too much. After their playoff game with New England, theyíve gotten use to not seeing the end zone.

With Martha Stewart behind bars and the Robert Blake, Phil Spector and Michael Jackson cases all going to trial, couldnít NBC improve ratings by renaming the Nightly News "Law & Order: Celebrity Justice Edition"?

Ashlee Simpson got booed during her half-time performance at the Orange Bowl game, but was it live booing or just a tape of the audience at Linda Ronstadtís Las Vegas show?

Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston have separated and the Olsen Twins have decided to live apart for awhile. Doesnít anyone stay together anymore? I mean, besides Joan and Melissa Rivers.

Marvel Comics legend Stan Lee has turned Ringo Starr into his latest super hero. If this doesnít make much sense, it makes even less when you see Ringo hawking rock and roll CDs in a Time-Life infomercial. Since when did reading off a teleprompter become a super power? (And if Ringo needs the money that bad, can "Caveman II" be far behind?)

Elvis Costello is writing an opera based on Hans Christian Andersonís unrequited love for a Swedish woman. So why did I make fun of Green Day for releasing a concept album?

And finally, we say good-bye to Johnny Carson for the second time. The first came when Carson retired as host of "The Tonight Show" and now we do it again as Johnny has joined the great talk show lineup in the sky. And what a lineup it is! Steve Allen, Jack Paar and now the King of Late Night Television himself. There were many tributes to the man from Nebraska who became an icon, but the best had to be a very special edition of "The Late Show" on which David Letterman did an entire monologue of jokes written especially for him by his late mentor. And there wasnít a dry eye in the house as Doc Severinsen, Tommy Newsom and Ed Shaungessy played one of their bossís favorite songs at the end of the show. Put this one in the time capsule with Warren Zevonís farewell appearance and Daveís post 9/11 shows. Good stuff with heart.