Deja Vu All Over Again

J. Lo got married, Courtney Love is charged with assault and a college coach is arrested for driving under the influence. God, I hate summer reruns. Letís see what else is on...

Remember when all the experts thought the Los Angeles Lakers were going to be invincible? Well, the Dream Team got manhandled by the Detroit Pistons and now Phil Jackson is no longer the Lakersí coach. Apparently, Jacksonís triangle offense was too confining for such superstars as Kobe Bryant and Gary Payton, so someone else will be taking over the job of head baby-sitter in LA next season. Hopefully, heíll come up with the perfect game plan to appease his players and Iíve already got a nickname for it. The big diaper offense.

Do you think when Ashley Olsen found out that her sister Mary-Kate had an eating disorder, she immediately told her parents, "I want one, too!"? First a hyphen and now this. Mary-Kate gets everything.

Guess what? I donít think ABC ever officially canceled "The Drew Carey Show." Even though they renewed the series and shot new episodes, they didnít bother to air them as they left the show off their schedule and placed it on hiatus limbo. Now ABC is burning off those episodes and a special series finale during the summer when most people have better things to do than watch television. Just their way of saying, "Thanks for all the money you made us, Drew, hope you have fun at the WB!"

Britney Spears has her own fragrance for all you ladies out there who want to attract men by smelling like Britney Spears. Of course, if you really want to attract men the way Brtiney does, you can strip down to your underwear and wiggle your body like a nymphomaniac who hasnít had sex in a good ten minutes. Just a suggestion.

In other Britney news, the pop princess reportedly got engaged to a backup dancer and then had to cancel the rest of her tour when she injured her knee during a video shoot. A leg injury, by the way, is the second worst thing that could happen to an entertainer like Miss Spears. The first would be a cold sore, which makes it very painful to lip synch.

Itís hard to believe, but itís been ten years since Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman were murdered and also ten years since the famous Bronco chase on the California freeways. After his acquittal, O.J. said heíd get someone to find the real killer and he did. He played hide and seek with his children and they found him every time.

In case you havenít heard, Simpson is trying to get his own reality series on TV where he plays practical jokes on people just like Ashton Kutcher does on MTVís "Punkíd." (Itís not a rip-off, itís a homage.) You may have already seen the pilot episode. On it, O.J. dupes a jury into believing he didnít kill his wife and is found "not guilty" despite the mountain of evidence against him. Ah, Marsha Clark and Chris Darden, youíve been Juiced!!"

When President Ronald Reagan passed away, he was hailed as the godfather of the modern conservative movement. Maybe Iím old fashioned, but arenít you supposed to say nice things about people when they die?

Okay, so we still donít have that mammoth ten CD box set from Neil Young, but Collectables is releasing ten disc box sets by Ray Conniff and Percy Faith!! Sorry, neither will carry bonus tracks from the easy listening super group Conniff, Faith, Welk and Vaughn.

You better sit down, kids. Creed and Phish are breaking up. No, the two bands havenít stopped dating each other. Both groups have just decided to call it quits at about the same time in rock and roll history. So we will now acknowledge this double whammy with a moment of silence...followed by twenty minutes of uncontrolled glee.

The real moment of silence we save for Ray Charles, whose passing left a big hole in the soul of American music. Like Johnny Cash, Ray Charles became a larger than life icon whose music crossed over the lines of genres and became a genre of its own. First, he defined soul music and then he used it to invent his own style of jazz, pop and even country music. Do the math. Genius + Soul = Legend. Brother Ray has hit the road, but his music will be hanging around for a real long time.