Indoor Fireworks, They Swore Were Safe As Houses

97 dead at a Great White show in Rhode Island. Gee, who knew you could start a fire with something like fire? And itís not the first time they used pyrotechnics at the club where the tragedy happened. Like B$X said, "Should we really need a law to tell adults not to use fireworks indoors?"

The fine art of ass covering: The lead singer for Great White is asking for immunity before he testifies to a grand jury. The main hitch in the deal, I guess, is whether or not this immunity will include his recording career or just the fire.

Grammy Highís: The Simon & Garfunkel reunion, James Taylor singing "Sweet Baby James," Faith Hillsí hem line and The Clash tribute with Bruce Springsteen, Elvis Costello, David Grohl and Steve Van Zandt.

Grammy Lowís: Robin Williams doing a parody of himself, Dustin Hoffman inadvertently recreating his "Rainman" Character (definitely Bruce Springstreet), Harvey Fierstein in drag and John Mayerís audition for the part of Dave Matthews as a teenager.

Norah Jones was the big Grammy winner. And yes, I know sheís Ravi Shankarís daughter. But I think she changed her name so her dad wouldnít ride her coattails.

Singer/songwriter/piano man Billy Joel crashed his car and his ex-wife Christie Brinkley immediately expressed her concern. Not for Joel, but for their daughter, who might happen to be in the car with daddy the next time he has one of his automobile mishaps. Perhaps Joel needs to check into rehab again and this time pick a center that offers a class in driverís ed.

Courtney Love was arrested after a flight on Virgin Airlines for being loud, obnoxious and verbally abusing the crew. In other words, for acting like Courtney Love.

In a taped message encouraging Muslims to rise up against their enemies, Osama bin Laden advised Iraqis how to fight Americans based on Al-Qaedaís experience in Afghanistan. Correct me if Iím wrong, but isnít that like the head coach of the Raiders telling other NFL teams how to attack the Tampa Bayís defense next season?

The Doors without Jim Morrison. Isnít that like "Chico and the Man" without Chico? Maybe Ray Manzarek will begin the first show of the tour by telling lead singer Ian Astbury, "Youíre all Lizard Kings to me."

ABC has a new reality show called "Are You Hot?" Men and women compete in a beauty pageant almost naked while judges grade them and Lorenzo Lamas makes jokes about having a boner. Yes, folks, we really are a heartbeat away from "Strip-Tac-Toe" and "Americaís Funniest Home Sex Acts."

I watched "American Idol" for the first time and I donít understand why people bitch and moan about that Simon guy being so mean. If you ask me, heís not mean enough. What that show really needs is Don Rickles on the panel of judges. "Iím sorry to say you have no talent, you hockey puck, but hereís a cookie anyway because youíre Italian and I donít want Frankís boys to drop by my place and rearrange the furniture."

Dan Rather interviewed Saddam Hussein but I really think they shouldíve assigned the job to Barbara Walters. She asks Saddam what kind a tree heíd like to be and he cries, disarms and the world is a much better place to live in.

Mike Tysonís latest heavyweight fight was in jeopardy when Tysonís behavior became erratic and he showed up at a press conference incoherent and tattooed. In other words, acting like Courtney Love. After his victory, Tyson told reporters he likes getting high, playing with his kids and drinking beer. Ah, father knows best!

The Phil Spector murder case. The jokes here are obvious ("She was number one with a bullet), but the truth is people have been laughing off Spectorís gun waving nuttiness for a long time because heís a "musical genius" and now heís given us a dead body as the last cut to his career. The work was brilliant, but the man himself needed some serious remixing.

Mister Rogers has left the neighborhood and yes, it would be easy to make those jokes, too. But in reality, Fred Rogers was a nice man who cared about people and produced a TV show that entertained children and delivered a positive message at the same time. Since his show was on PBS, he hawked manners and friendship instead of toys and breakfast cereal, and he never had to worry about an image consultant telling him to change his wardrobe. Fred Rogers, dead at age 74, and taking that trolley for one last ride to a better place.